Fragmentation of the soul & Ego's fears

​There are three Ego’s fears, three ways in which we react to these fears, three ways in which the mind is separated from emotions, and three ways in which the soul is fragmented and separate from the body. From my perspective, I believe the soul is related to emotions; it is energy with information, and this information has to do with all the unresolved traumas that we have inherited from our parents and ancestors. Our goal is to learn to release all past traumas (stored as polarities in our body) and integrate all the fragments of our soul, so as to be able to connect with our own uniqueness.

We all resonate with the three types of fragmentation, although one more than the others:  

• Fear of abandonment. These people are mostly in their mental space and have very little connection to their body. Consequently, emotionally they are and react like infants. When they were a baby, their mother was not attuned to their basic physiological needs, so it’s difficult to stay grounded and connected to themselves. They are much more attuned to the collective and family than to themselves. Like babies do, they suck in emotions from the people, family or the collective around them, and frequently they express those emotions through their bodies as illnesses. The path to healing is taking care of one’s own physiological needs by being mindful of what these are. If  you’re cold, cover yourself up, if you need to go to the bathroom, don’t hold on and wait. If you are hungry, feed yourself as a priority, instead of waiting to finish what you are doing, drink when you’re thirsty and be very mindful of making yourself always as comfortable as possible. Love yourself by loving and caring your inner child and your body.

  
          People with this fear and type of disconnection tend to live in their minds and totally disregard their bodies. They may be very intellectual or imaginative. They abandon themselves and others, by not taking care and not being present. Their greatest fear is of being alone. They tend to feel and worry about others and the world. They don’t live their own lives, so they are usually not successful in their jobs. They tend to repeat family histories because of this. They “absorb” feelings from others and “keep” them, hence developing illnesses. It is not uncommon for some to end up in drug or alcohol abuse as a way of comforting their feelings. They have the gift of uniting people and being very loving and compassionate, and they are very dedicated in their work.

• Fear of rejection. These people are very much appreciated in patriarchal society, as they are the doers and the law abiders. They are always trying to figure out what others as thinking so as to adapt to the demand and then receive a little bit of care or acknowledgment from others, They “sell” themselves for bits of love. They are disconnected from their own uniqueness, as they learned when they were little, that mom didn’t come over to comfort them when they were scared or when they needed love and connection, making them feel unworthy. Their basic needs for connection were not met, so they disconnect from their heart and feeling nature. Mom was not there to comfort them when needed. So they learn to go out and try to read mom to see what she needs. As adults, they do their best to conform, and they are the doers and the fixers. They go so far out to please others that they become empty inside, which makes them feel bad, suck in emotions from their closest relationships, and even become depressed. They disconnect from their heart because their basic need for love and connection was not met by their mother. The key in this case is to learn to connect with the heart, by first clearing out of all the emotional energy sucked up. The way to do this is to be mindful of what nurtures you: food, environment, people, what you watch on tv or social media,... Once the heart is cleared, it should be the center of connection to others and also where action stems from. In other words, action must not come from the mind (what one thinks), but it must come from the heart (what one feels).

      People with this fear are natural communicators and organizers, but have difficulty in doing so when they are driven by their Ego’s fear. Their difficulty in relating stems from the disconnection to their heart. Because they are so focused in doing the best possible and in perfectionism, their feelings are left aside (just how mom did to them when they were little). The more they fear, the more they do, and the gap just gets bigger and bigger. They find it difficult to connect with what they feel and how to express it, and they fear dealing with emotional conflict. They tend to close down, get depressed or leave situations. They fear being rejected, but they end up rejecting others because they can’t deal with complex emotions.

• Fear of losing control. These people are born into families in which at least one adult is very insecure, and acts either as a controlling or overprotective parent. This adults “absorbs” the soul of all the family members, due to his o her fears, and as a way to control and make sure that “nothing happens”. Children raised in this environment don’t feel their own emotions and learn there is someone else that feels, worries and takes care of your emotions. When they become adolescents, and hormones kick in, this adult can’t cope any more with the child’s emotions and let’s go. The adolescent feels he or she suddenly has to take charge of all feelings, which is bewildering. They feel suddenly as if they have been dumped, as if they are worthless. So they go and look for someone else to take their soul (emotions), someone else on who to dump all their traumatic and heavy (inherited) emotions on. Ideally, it’s the previous type that takes all that emotional debris on. These people need to care for their needs of feeling secure by doing sports or physical exercise that helps them feel strong, and also by creating a safe space in which they can sit and explore what they are feeling, as well as gaining perspective and understanding that in this space they will always be safe, no matter what they feel. It is very important for them to work on releasing cellular memories, as they have inherited from their family heavy trauma.

         These people have a huge fear of feeling emotions and of losing control. They have a fear of failure and of being discovered as a fraud. They have fear of going crazy (if they enter in contact which too much emotional information). They need to feel they are on top of everything, and can be over controlling and overpowering, or they may project this onto others, and be victim of abuse and power struggles. They are afraid of being free, because they would have to deal with their emotions. But also afraid of no being free, because they need to feel they are in power! Their life is usually very chaotic, even though they might strive to put everything and everyone in an order comfortable for them.


Being healthy selfish 
From my perspective, everyone is empathic, because everyone of us has learned to “read” and depend on others for “our survival”. But it is now time to mature as Human Beings and be in charge of oneself, and one’s own emotions. Now we are living and upheaval of violence, and parallel to that, a growth in people with good intentions and that care for others. But deep down inside, both narcissistic and (apparent) empathic behavior stem from the same issues, from the same lack of self care, self love, connection and security. So the solution is not to be nicer, but to be more self centered, to take care of oneself and one’s emotions first, and from there, relate to others. In other words, we must learn to connect not from our inner void and needs, but from our self empowerment and uniqueness. And for that, we must put all out attention on ourselves, and even risk being a bit selfish or even mean towards others.

From my point of view, it is Life and its consequences, who should reveal to you what is good and bad. And you are the only judge of your life. If you are mean and hurt someone, that’s not inherently bad, and you should not judge yourself or others because of it. If what you did as “wrong”, Life will let you see the consequences of your actions. If you realize this, you and only you will chose to adapt. And if you don’t see this, Life will bring to you a more difficult situation for you to learn.

Guiomar Ramírez-Montesinos
Psychologist, Astrologist and Transformational coach